The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
