PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize