Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Your penis caused this!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
