My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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