I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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