It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I could fuck to npr.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
