my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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