why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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