Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
