Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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