from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
And then he peed in my hair
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