then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
