i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
