we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
