Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize