dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
