i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
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