Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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