She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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