all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
