How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We're too hungover to prance.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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