Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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