I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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