oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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