Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
