Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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