New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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