Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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