we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
