Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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