His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
