"it" just moved
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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