Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize