My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
