ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
