i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
