Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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