just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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