I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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