i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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