she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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