I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
