just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
