OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
