we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
A+ Viking dick
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
