as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
