Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
