I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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