Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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