White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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