is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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