Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize