Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
