I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Im part way to drunk.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
