I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
