i think my mom watched the whole time
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
