i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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