all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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