Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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