I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
