I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
