went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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