i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
