I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
