he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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