Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
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