Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
